So, welcome to my first baby-step to courage. In this first post of my new series, “Memoir-in-Progress,” I’ll write about:

• Why I chose the title Unrequited
• Major characters, though at this time, I’m withholding names.

The Title

Yesterday, I looked up the meaning of unrequited using a variety of resource

As I’ve talked with others about the book and its title, some have questioned whether “unrequited” really describes the three relationships.

Friends and family have questioned the title because the relationships ended for reasons out of my control, and out of the control of the three men, temporarily named Unrequited #1,Unrequited #2, and Unrequited #3. It was not really a matter of my love not being returned.

As of now, I’m keeping the title, because whatever the reason for the relationships ending, the fact that it was out of my control made it feel unrequited and came with all the longing, questions and regrets that might have existed had these men not returned my love.

I mentioned this in a previous post, Fair Winds, but I’d like to mention it again. Writing about these past loves and how they influenced my life does not equate to anything negative in my marriage to Steve, nor does it indicate that I am not happy in this marriage. In fact, much of the credit for my ability to write this memoir is due to his support, encouragement, acceptance of these relationships, understanding of how they affected me, and even how they’ve stayed with me. It has all contributed to giving me “permission” to write about it without the guilt or worry of how it will make him feel. In fact, he has even been comfortable with my maintaining friendships with them.

This has been very freeing for me, and interestingly, has lessened the effect of “unrequited.” It’s as if unrequited was fed by my inability to feel what I needed to feel. Perhaps the real “unrequited” was my authenticity.

You may be able to see within this post and others to follow how writing this memoir has been a form of “self-analysis” for me, even though I didn’t intend that little secret to come out in this post!

The Characters

I began this memoir after reading letters between my mother and father. From those letters, I realized my dad was my original “Unrequited.” Much of my childhood, I longed for him to return home from his Air Force trips, when everything would seem right, seem normal at home.

I also grew up seeing my mother’s longing for my father to return home, her longing for acceptance, her longing to be loved.

These seeds were planted in my childhood and blossomed throughout my life as Unrequited #1, #2, & #3.

I wrote the following poem to open the book:

Once the perennial seed was planted, these were the unrequited flowers that bloomed:

UNREQUITED #1

• WHO: He was my high school sweetheart.
• WHEN: From November 1973 – April 1974 (Age 16)
• WHY: Our relationship ended when my mother forbade me to see him again after she read my diary and letters I’d written to him.

UNREQUITED #2

• WHO: He was a man I met shortly after my divorce, while training for a job in San Diego.
• WHEN: From May 1992 – July 1992. (Age 34)
• WHY: The time came for me to return to Tulsa to begin the job for which I’d been trained in San Diego. I could not move to San Diego and Unrequited #2 could not/would not move to Tulsa.

UNREQUITED #3

• WHO: He was a man I met on Match.com. His subject line in his first email to me was, “Bad Match, But I Can Teach You to Sail.” It was one of many things that hooked me.
• WHEN: From August 2001 – November 2002 (Age 43)
• WHY: He refused to acknowledge that he drank too much. I knew our relationship was destined to fail if he continued to drink as much as he did, so though I loved him and worried about him, I ended the relationship.

What’s Next?

My next “Memoir-in-Progress” post will be answer the question (I hope), “Why are you writing this memoir?”