From my earliest recollection, my favorite Christmas carol has been “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” Even when I was a little girl, I listened to the words and felt a gentleness in its words of hope and joy.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
Next year all our troubles, will be miles away

Once again, as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Will be near to us once more

Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now

I never really wondered why the words touched me so, I just figured I liked them. When my daughter, Andrea, was a teenager, she framed her handmade calligraphy of the lyrics. I still set it out today.

Recently, as I’ve started reading letters between my mother and father during their marriage, I recall and understand why the words mean so much to me. Because my father was in the Air Force for most of their marriage–most of my childhood–my father was away for many of our Christmases. I wish I could say how many exactly. All I know is, it felt like more than half of them.

Here’s an excerpt from my father (in Thailand) to my mother, (in Fairfield, CA) dated November 30, 1972:

I hope to do a little more Christmas shopping over the next few days. I’m still looking for a tennis racquet for Jan and a microscope for Kim. Also, still need to get a couple more things for the little ones and something for you. Don’t worry about getting much for me.

Better close for now and write to the children. I love you and need you so much. There’s so much I must do to make a better life for you. Please take care of yourself and keep your chin up. A brighter day is coming!

And an excerpt from a reply from my mother to my father, dated December 18, 1972:

There really isn’t too much going on in Fairfield. It is rather a lonely place without you. I hear Christmas songs like “Blue Christmas” and “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and miss you so much.

+ + +

Even if it was on a subconscious level, I felt my parents’ longing to be together. I longed for my dad to be home with us, too.

And so, the words:

. . . .Next year all our troubles will be out of sight.

. . . Someday soon, we all will be together.

. . . Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow

gave us hope of being together again, for problems to be over. No wonder the words brought me comfort and peace.

So have yourself, a merry little Christmas now.